Beyond the Sigma

"I am not outstanding in anything. I am average, I am average in everything-" she said to her mother. I was not sure if I should be listening. However, I was connecting with the thought, not because of empathy but because I have exactly been there. I have had so many moments in my life where there has been extra-ordinary discomfort in being average. That feels like you are like everyone else. A young me always read it as "anyone can do this, so we can replace you with anyone, we do not need you".

Much recently I have learned, for several people this is fine. There are people in the world who believe everyone should earn a living wage, everyone should carry the same work ethic, everyone should be treated the same. I understand the instinct. It comes from fairness, and fairness matters. But I have never felt that way myself. I have always believed everyone carries the potential to be special at something, and that the pursuit of that specialness is worth protecting, even when it produces unequal results. Sameness is easier to organize around. Specialness is harder to plan for, harder to measure, and easier to overlook.

There are activities that we get attracted to often. Sometimes we keep getting attracted to activities that we are bad at and we enjoy them anyway. Sometimes we get attracted to activities not because we enjoy them but because we see the potential in learning and getting better. Of course it is not the same every day. But we stay put. Once we stay the course, the learning compounds. As the learning compounds, what we do on a bad hair day matters enormously. Sometimes our learning involves resources and opportunities that we have access to. Let's say I enjoy swimming. But if I am sitting in a plane, it's a bit of a stretch to practice. But we need the resources, time and energy to practice, and that is effort.

I do not know what her mother said back. I did not wait to hear it. But if she were mine, this is what I would say:

You are average today. Let that land, and let it pass. It says nothing about the day after, or the year after, if you keep showing up on the days it does not feel worth it. Showing up is not average. Knowing your own strengths is not average. Being kind, especially to the ones behind you and not the ones ahead, is not average. Neither is learning something you are bad at, just because you enjoy it. Neither is sitting with the discomfort until it passes, instead of running from it.

You might be average in physics. I do not care. Be outstanding in kindness. Be outstanding in showing up. The world does not need you to be the exception. It needs you to keep going after the feeling passes. And one day, when someone tells you that you are replaceable, you will already know they are wrong. Not because you argued back. Because you did not stop at the first moment of discomfort.